After play is important as foreplay. Though penovaginal sex is regarded as the most intimate and satisfying form of sexual activity, this is not always true. There are many women who report “I am not worried about orgasm but I would very much appreciate a bit of love play after he is through”.

Vatsyayana in the Kamasutra, has given a lot of emphasis to afterplay and he has mentioned that afterplay is equally, if not more, important as foreplay. Most people enjoy being held, cuddled, talked to, and partners need to communicate with each other as to what they prefer. Many-a-time, a woman in her fifties or so would come and report “Doctor, sex is now far more satisfying despite the fact that my husband is unable to achieve erection.”

Perhaps he is forced to learn or devote more time to foreplay and afterplay which takes away the feeling of mechanical sex and at times when he is unable to perform, there is enough warmth and affection in all forms of sexual activity, the foreplay, the interplay and the afterplay.

Can a very active sex life in the early years affect one’s sexual life later?

A very active sexual life in youth does not precipitate an early termination of the sex drive or capacity. On the contrary, persons having a strong sexual interest and capacity in the early years are more likely to retain the same in the later years. This was confirmed by a longitudinal study on sexual behavior and old age.

What are the most common conditions which could decrease sex drive in later years?

The common reasons for a reduced sex drive in later years are

1. Monotony and loss of interest
2. Changes in physical appearance
3. Misconceptions about one’s waning sexuality
4. Lack of communication
5. Depression

As a man grows older, erection takes a longer time to occur. Similarly, in women, lubrication takes a longer time to occur. A man may often require direct physical stimulation to achieve erection and the same is also true of a woman’s lubrication. The color of the semen changes from white to light yellow, the consistency gets thinner and the quantity decreases. When, people are not informed about these facts, anxiety can be generated, as there is a vast discrepancy between the unrealistic expectations and the real experience. This paralyses the sexual response leading to avoidance of sexual overtures.

Older persons tend to become obese because of sedentary lives, lack of exercise and changes in hormonal levels. Exercises for toning up the muscles and good functioning of the body, are essential. All these help in improving the self-image and making a better sex life.

What are the common sexual misconceptions prevalent among the middle aged men and women?

Men harbor the misconception that increasing age and excessive use may lead to weakening of the genitals and end in ‘seminal bankruptcy’. Because of this misguided belief, they observe sexual abstinence. One should remember that it is disuse which leads to atrophy and not the use. As a man grows older, he walks slow, he talks slow but he expects that his erection should not be slow! One needs to remember that this is a normal phenomenon. Some are under the impression that “one failure in making it means an end to sex life”. As a result, many men move from effective sexual functioning to various degrees of impotence. I always emphasize that occasional failures are common and failure does not mean an end. Women harbor the misconception that menopause marks the end of sex life. Menopause merely marks the end of a woman’s reproductive career and not the conjugal career which can continue up to the end of one’s biological life. In fact, the maturity of the partner’s end the relationship, along with guaranteed natural contraception may enhance the sex life. The misconception that “sex after 60 is not possible” needs to be changed. Men and women can continue to remain sexually active till the last day of their lives provided they are in sound physical and mental health.